Reflections

I was packing up all of my room today, and found a note I meant to give to my friend David Thimmesch the morning I left for Ripon. My next intention was to send it to him, but you know me. Haha. But anyways, I read it and thought it fitting since I wrote it the night before I left for college to post it the night before I leave for home. Here goes:

Well Sir: this is it.
We're off.
Do you think we, at 13 and 14, were even able to conceive the idea of us going to college?! There we were, braces on, frizzy-haired, our bodies going through awkward phases, hanging at my house and in the river. Our concept of four years later was forever; our hours spent seemed to be paid with happy thoughts of time. The idea of any of us leaving was preposterous.

Now our braces are off, my hair is quite frizzy, and our bodies are still going through awkward phases. We've hung at my house, but not in the river. Our concepts of time is still the same. Nearly, at least. I still am having troubles thinking about tomorrow--it doesn't feel real. It feels like I'll be re-doing all of this week (sneaking out, partying, hanging out, shopping...) next week with my same friends. That's...scary.

'Cause I'm not. You know? So queer. I honestly don't think I can gain more friends like you or Emma or Erin or Emily or Alie or Kevin or Tyler or Jane or Julie or Mary or Nikki. Zach.

YET HERE WE ARE. All of us--leaving! How? How did this happen when our concept of forever is so believed in? How did we go on everyday pushing ourselves on? The "oh, I can't wait until Saturday"s and "Christmas--come faster!"s add up...what is so desireable about tomorrow?

"Tomorrow is another day."

Yet, how come we cling to the past like we hold onto our souls....I suppose it's what makes us who we are, what we are, and why we do what we do today. Determines our tomorrow. We all need to go on.

I'm not saying I want to leave or that I have to leave or I need to leave...well all of us really...I'm saying that we all do need change. This is just so big. So big.

I gotta get out of this philosophical funk.
Messin' with my mind.

....

Listen--have an amazing first couple months of college. Visit me, I'll visit you, and we'll see each other at Thanksgiving and Christmas. ONE WHOLE MONTH. Even though people keep telling me this...I'm having a hard time taking it in...it is true, however:

Everything will be okay.
....

I love you. Thank you so much for everything.

--Julia-goulia, frizzulia-julia, the 'cow',
Julia